Saturday, January 23, 2010

My Lord and my God, Tuhan, Allah Taala aku!

Dear Lord Jesus,

You command me to love the Lord God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my strength and to love my neighbour as I love myself (Luke 10:27; Deuteronomy 6:5). You show me the way to love as you love - you died on the cross to win a redemption for me and all those who believe in You. Your love is self-sacrificial, perfect love.

So it is that I am exhorted to love like You, to give my all, no matter the pain, the betrayal by the people I love, the prejudices, the ridicule that I have to go through. I am struggling Lord to be what You want me to be, to discern and obey Your will in my life, to please You in the things I do, but You know how often I stumble, how frequent I fall. Through it all Lord, You have always been there for me. You have always been faithful and not allow me to be tempted beyond my strength and with the trial, You provide me with a way out, so that I may be able to bear it. (1 Cor 10:13). You teach me forgiveness and when I find it difficult to forgive, You give me Your strength. You forgive me each time I say sorry. You pick me up, You heal my wounds. You give me wisdom and understanding to know where I have gone wrong and let those lessons in life teach me to become a better person, and my prayer is for me to become a daughter who would make You proud. My prayer is that when You take me from this world, You take me at a time when I am most holy, and I'd like to hear You say, "You have competed well; You have finished the race; You have kept the faith. From now on the crown of righteousness awaits you" (2 Timothy 4:7-8). Such is my hope Lord, and You promise such hope will not disappoint (Romans 5:5) and it gives me immense joy.

Dear Lord, how trying it is to love as You love in these months. Excruciatingly difficult, Lord. I've been banned from saying "Allah Taala". I have pain, Lord, deep pain in my heart. Forbidding me from calling the Almighty "Allah Taala" is like cutting off my limbs. The very first hymn I learnt when I was a young girl of six years was "Bisi siku Allah Taala, Iya ti ngaga dunya..".and the very first prayer to profess my faith in Iban was 'Aku arapka Allah Taala, Apai ti besai kuasa.." And I've been calling God Allah Taala long before the Bible in the Indonesian language came to Malaysia. And now Lord, as I approach middle age, I have been forbidden from calling my Heavenly Father by His name, Allah Taala, because others claim only they have the absolute right to address the Lord God as Allah.

Lord, You want us to know the truth about God. I've been trying Lord, for indeed what St Augustine said is true, my heart is restless, until it rests in Thee. And the God that I know and believe in is a God of love. He loves all mankind - Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Jewish, white, yellow, black - He makes the sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and unjust (Mathew 5:45). The God that I know is forgiving, and He wants me to be forgiving like Him "Be perfect, just as your Heavenly Father is perfect" (Mathew 5:48). The God that I know is holy, so He wants me to be holy.(1 Peter 1:16). He gives me the golden rule to regulate my relationship with others, which is to do to others whatever I would want others to do to me (Mathew 7:12). He wants me to be compassionate and humble (Mathew 18:4). He tells me not to return evil for evil or insult for insult, but on the contrary, a blessing, that I might inherit a blessing (1 Peter 8-9). As much as He is a God of mercy and love, so is He a God of justice, so I fear Him, for He can destroy both soul and body (Mathew 10:28). God is real to me, real in my soul.

Lord Jesus, I believe that You are the Son of God, the 2nd Person of the Holy Trinity, You are my Saviour, the promised of the prophets, the fullness of God's revelation. You are the Word of God, Who become flesh and dwell among us. (John 1:1-14). We sin and our rebellion distanced us from God, and out of His great love for us, God sent You his only begotten Son to the world, Your blood is the expiation of our sin and reconcile our broken relationship with God (Rom 5:9-10). Through You, the promise by God to bless the descendants of Abraham our father in faith is fulfilled, for the blessing is given through baptism of believers all over the world (Galatians 3:14). So they say You are just a prophet, You are just a man and not Divine, You didn't die on the cross, they say You were substituted by someone else. As my daughter Daphne pointed out, the Bible said the chief priests bribed the soldiers to lie - to say that You had been taken by Your disciples and the story has circulated .. to the present day (Mathew 28:11-15). We believe that You will come again to judge the living and the dead and all dominions, powers, principalities will acknowledge You as the Saviour, Lord and King. And our Muslim brothers also believe that at the end of the world, You, Lord Jesus, will come to judge mankind and that You will rule for 40 years. Indeed Lord, it is precisely because You are Divine that You have the power to judge mankind. Indeed Lord, there is no salvation through anyone else, nor is there any other name under heaven given to the human race by which we are to be saved, except by Your name Lord. (Acts 4:12).

Lord I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Advocate and Teacher, Who leads me to all truths, who reminds me of your teachings (John 14:26), who convicts me of my sin, so that I know where I have erred and seek mercy. The Holy Spirit who dwells in us believers bears fruits - the gift of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22). True, non-believers cannot accept the Spirit of Truth, because the world neither sees nor knows it. But to all who believe, we know it, because it remain with us and in us (John 14:17). Yes Lord, through the pouring of Your Spirit on us believers, we are the sons and daughters who prophesy, we are the old men who dream, we are the young men who see visions. (Joel 3:1).

O Lord God, You make Your covenant with us, and You place Your laws within us, You write Your laws in our hearts and You are our God, and we Your people (Jeremiah 31:33). You want me to be obedient to the faith (Romans 1:5). Offerings and sacrifices You do not require, what You want is a broken spirit and a repentant heart. (Psalm 51:18-19). What You want from me is the circumcision of my heart (Romans 2:29), for You judge my heart (1 Sam 16:7).

What I feel for Thee is real, You fill my innermost being, the love that You pour in my heart through the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5) moves me to love as You love. Thus it pains me Lord when men, with our imperfections and who fall short of Your glory (Romans 3:23), not only judge my faith and what I believe in as one falsehood but deign to prescribe as law how I worship You. Even You Lord God, give me free will. You alone are my judge, for You are God the Almighty, You alone are Perfect, You are the Holy, Immortal One.

Lord, send forth Your Spirit of Truth and let this Spirit prove to the powers that be how wrong they are about sin, righteousness and judgment (John 16:8-11). Lord, raise up righteous leaders for this nation, leaders after Your own heart. Lord, help Your disciples to be steadfast in our faith, hope and love in You. Give us the grace Lord, to forgive those who hurt us.

And Lord I pray for golden peace, peace all over the land
may all men dwell in liberty, walking hand in hand
banish fear and ignorance, hunger thirst and pain
banish hate and poverty, let no man live in vain.

Keep all men for ever one, one in love and grace
wipe away all war and strife, give freedom to each race
Let your justice reign supreme
and righteousness be done
let goodness rule the hearts of men
and evil be overcome.
In Your Precious Name Lord, I pray, Amen.
In nomine Patris, et Filius, et Spiritu Sancti, Amen.

Saturday, January 9, 2010


Mai lauk Iban ah, ju ka kitai ngulam sayur, ku aku. Au, ku indai Linguh. Au, ku indai Tim. Pia munyi aum bala kami ke indu tengah ari tu tadi, bebai serumpu makai. Pulai ari upis tua dadi berumban-rumban nyendiaka utai, dadi meli itit panggang, aku lalu manggang jani, manduk buah entekai enggau nasak buah dabai. Peda bala datai sama ngemayuhnya ga mai lauk. Nya kami sebuat belauk buah lumuk, kaki jani, lulun ikan enseluai, upak lalis, kim chi, jani guring, petai, manuk enggau sayur champur, kelimpah ari lauk ti udah disediaka aku.

Lama kami sepangan enda beserumpu makai, taun siti tu kemari aku enda ulih enggau belama, semina apai Maie ke enggau sida. Tu bala pangan lama: apai Amoi, apai Tap, apai Tim, apai Boy enggau apai Linguh. Ia ke biak nya Mit, anak apai Boy.

Kami ke indu muka pak ke diri di bilik. Enda ganggam magang kami di peda kita? Violet (indai Amoi), Doris (indai Tap), Nuai (indai Linguh), Christina (indai Tim) enggau indai Maie. Chapoh bala betusi jerita, mayuh utai dikenang, jerita kami agi biak kelia maya baru masuk SIDS, jerita pengerai, jerita bala anak, indai Tap nusi uchu iya ke mit nemu sembiangka iya. Semua nusi diri udah berubah magang, mayuh gaya pengidup ti enda dikerinduka agi, laban ubah nyu udah tuai. Endang ke baka selama, sigi indai Tap meh ke ngasuh kami rangkai ngeli...

Tu sekeda utai di empa kami. Dini enda ganggam deh! Kirum salam ngagai sida aunty mami, pia ku Igat ke telipon benung kami ke richah. Au ku aku. Klaput yu, ku aku madahka sida. Bala lalu ketawa, laban maya agi mit suba Igat enda nemu nyebut "claypot", ma ka makai mi claypot ia lalu nyebut makai mi "klaput" kitai mi, ku ia. Nya nama nya lekat datai ka saritu!

Mupuk dulu, nyau ngantuk, tadi bedau ka tinduk ketegal udah ngirup kupi Hai Peng ke dibeli aku ari Kemaman. Aku bisi bejalai ka pengawa kin bulan dua belas suba, udah tembu miting di bai urang ngirup ba kopitiam ba tisi jalai, mai kami nyepi kupi ke tebilang din, kupi Hai Peng. Nyamai ku bala pangan aku....

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Feast of Epiphany, the last day of Christmas

Saritu kitai ngintu Hari Besai Pemandang tauka Epiphany. Tua dadi sembiang di St Charles, Selangau pagi tadi lalu benasit amat laban Bishop saritu meri missa sereta saritu mega Bishop madahka St Charles nyadi parish ti baru, megai Selangau, Skuau enggau Tamin, berengkah ari 1 hb 1 taun 2010. Paderi (rector) St Charles nya Fr Andrew Tan. Congregation sama gaga, sama betempik jari ngelaluka berita nya. Puji Tuhan, awakka parish ti baru numbuhka pengawa meritaka injil ngagai bala ti agi bedau nemu pengerindu Allah Taala.

Igat aja ke ulih pulai enggau tua apai iya ngintu Krismas. Baik ga nya, taja aku enda betah Maie & Sudan, pama meh bisi bujang sigat aku dikayam. Thank you Lord for the son. Thank you for having me for Christmas, pia ku Igat sms udah iya datai di KL. The pleasure was ours son.

Gavin Jerome Man, 18+, my youngest. "Man" ngangkatka nama niang aki dadi ke ngadaka entua aku ke indu. "Jerome" nama confirmation iya, ngangkatka saintly scholar, a doctor of the church.

Taun tu kami menyanak semina ngintu enggau diri sekaban sereta bala pangan. Indai sereta akak aku sebilik enggau kami menyanak makai tengah ari hari Krismas, dah nya kami alu ngabang ngagai bala pangan sereta kaban belayan. Nyu malam baru kami tiga nerima pengabang. Tu nah sekeda gambar kami.

Taun tu bala ari rumah panjai bisi nemuai. Tu uchu Imas enggau Bek, anak Tuai Rumah kami.

Pangan lama aku, indai Tim, begulai enggau bala kaban belayan
Bala ari rumah panjai
Ann-Marie Jeburi, anak Julie.
Bini TR Agup ari Dijih enggau indai Ir Jawan.
Yam seng, jam nyu udah pukul 9.30 mlm, bala ka mupuk ngagai rumah anak petunggal dadi ke mai sembiangka anak iya ke pulai sekula ka Uni.
Pangan lama, Nura. Kami lekik-lekik ninga seduai indai Tim nusi jerita sida SIDs ke raun ka KL pun bulan 12 tu kemari. Sida nemuai ngagai Parlimen, ka meda Parlimen baum. Penemuai sida kin di atur siku pemesai politik ditu, datai din sida diangkut ngena bas ke bechap'Jabatan Orang Asli". Ia sida datai ba gate, sida di asuh security pansut ari bas, asuh urang baris, bejalai kaki ka bangunan Parlimen. Nyampau penyauh sida bejalai, ia ga gap amat begari. Ia meh niki tangga, dirara urang, di asuh bejimat-jimat meda sida bekasut tunjik. Datai din enda di asuh urang bejaku, enda di asuh urang segau-segau, tak enda engkeretik sida. Malam nya maya ke makai enggau pemesai baru sida iya nemu sida enda patut digaga bakanya. Eh, kada enda dikumbai urang indu orang asli kita deh, ga kita ngena bas chap nya, ku aku. Pemadu meh enda ku Nura. Kasih kita kumbai urang jakun, ku aku. Bala lekik-lekik, wey, dini enda dirara urang enggai ka tegelinchir niki tangga, kumbai urang enda teleba ngena kasut tunjik kita, ku aku. Nura nusi pemesai ke enggau sida makai nyu keberai ai mata bai pemendar ketawa ninga jerita sida.

Ga ia urang di Malaya din ke jakun, enda nemu gamal kitai Iban ditu. Uji kitu sida nemuai meda pendiau kitai. Ari kami ke sekula din kelia dataika diatu (nitihka utai ditusi sida nembiak ke sekula di Malaya diatu), agi meh bala urang Malaya ngumbai kitai ditu jakun, kumbai diau ba puchuk kayu. Kasih mati, kemaya kitai tu ke kala begitang diau ba puchuk kayu.
Ba rumah Jawan.
Igat mai bala kaban iya makai lemai siti. Sida tu geng sama altar servers, diatu sama nampung pelajar di luar Bintulu.

Tua dadi pulai ka rumah panjai lemai 31 ngintu taun baru din. Meruik sa ngut, bala ngelulun pulut. Laban ke laun datai, enda kiruh aku, udah disangkung sida ipar aku bilik sepiak. Pia mega bilik aku udah dituchi indai Kumo. Terima kasih Tuhan ke kaban belayan ke mentas ati. Tu sida ke nembiak, berami malam nya. Udah ngelaluka taun baru, tua dadi sama tinduk urung pukul 1 pagi. Bala nembiak bekaraoke, betanda sampai jam 5 pagi, semadi dadi ngasuh sida badu enggaika LCD projector enda tan anggat.

Tumu pagi 1 aribulan kami meipar-ipar nurun ka Selangau, makai mi "spisil" ku ipar aku. Kita melanja, ka makai duit sawit kita, ku dadi nganu bala menyadi iya. Au, ku sida. Tu gamal mi spisil, gulai ikan tapah. Tua melaki bini makai mi guring basah aja. Ila ngasuh tukay Big Bowl ngajar sida manduk mi, enda chun magang mi di Selangau sepi aku.

And apa yang tidak menghairankan, ayam mata aku sempat mai urang gawa kena 2 aribulan, 9 iku urang dibai iya maja sawit....Ka masang ku iya, niki rega sawit taun tu. Barang ia meh ulu...