Antu udah nemu nama

Empai lama tu kemari tua dadi nemuai ngagai sida apai Kumo, nunga bala ke bisi datai ari menua. Sigi baka sida sekaban, ma begempuru sigi nadai jerita bukai, ngenang sawit aja. Diatu bala anak menyadi, anak petunggal dadi ke gawa di Bintulu sama besawit magang, nya alai sida gagit amat. Urang di menua pin gaga laban ari ke besawit bala anak suah agi pulai ke menua, meri penampak ngagai pengidup sida.

Lebuh ke berandau, Bakar (au, anak apai Bakar ke lelingut nya meh) lalu nusi tanah ke diungkup apai enggau indai iya ke seduai apai Cassie berimbai enggau pendam. Sekali lebuh sida biak suba kala sida me-indai-indai lari meda utai ta guyap-guyap semak babas mua ka pendam. Nemu nya tudah niang apai B, ngiga daun sabung semak nya. Apai B enggau indai B benung ngumpul buah engkabang. Seduai nadai nemu takut ku sida, seruran ta bemalam sebelah tanah. Ma ka tinduk seduai ngelamun tubuh enggau buah engkabang, ambi enda empa nyamuk!

Sida pin lalu mulaika pengingat, bisi lebih 10 taun ti udah, sida sekaban begau pulai ke menua tengah malam laban indai B udah lelang kenu ku urang di menua. Sida sekaban di Bintulu lalu begau, datai ngagai rumah kami, baum ka pulai. Siku ari sida nadai minyak, nyu ulih ngumpa minyak ari kerita kami ke siti, namaka ngagai tangki kerita ia. Maya nya stesin minyak enda buka 24 jam baka ke diatu (nya alai dadi enda ngelak ka kerita nadai minyak, enggai ka tusah ka ngesah urang di menua ku iya. Taja diatu bisi stesin 24 jam, dadi mengkang enda ngeleka ka pengawa ti bejaga-jaga bakanya).

Datai di menua, sida lalu ngagai langkau kebun apai B, seduai melaki bini diau di kebun laban nanam sawit. Apai B nusi seduai melaki-bini bisi becheregay lemai nya, nya alai indai B lari. Abis sebelah madang sawit enggau umai seduai di tujah sida malam nya, rauh-rauh nganggau, tang lalu enda tetemuka indai B. Nyu dini ari bedau ga indai B temu, nya alai sida ngetu, lalu berunding ngiga baru pagi siti. Laban ke nyau lapar, bala pin lalu bebela, munuh serati. Nyu makai meh sida dini ari nya. Ia enda lama udah nya, urung pukul 4 pagi, peda ta nyunggah indai B. Urang pin lalu nanya iya, kini nuan tadi, ku urang. Peda ta enda tentu stidi jaku enggau pejalai indai B, iya lalu nusi diri baru pulai ari langkau ini Yi, ngirup tuak din ku iya. He he he, uhang ke digiga nyu happy hour dataika dini ari!!! Pama bintis manuk indu kami nya!!!

Tembu nusi jerita apai enggau indai B, sida lalu ngenang pendam lama sida di ai Dijih, naka pengerepa ku jaku. Takut mansa diatu ku sida. Udah nya Bakar lalu nusi baru ga jerita L ke mansang mukat enggau nginti ba tebing ai semak pendam di Sg Dijih. Ka geli-geli L ke nginti kia, tang iya ka kia laban dia mayuh ikan. Endur iya ke mukat melakangka pendam lama. Baru ka ngenan pukat, dia L lalu ninga urang nganggau ka iya, nyebut nama. Antu!! pia ku L, iya pin lalu lari enda be apai enda be indai. Utai di tinggal ka iya magang. Datai di rumah iya lalu madah ngagai entua iya, ku iya

'apu apai, enda lama agi mati aku laban antu udah nemu nama aku'.

Sida sebilik pin lalu besudi, ngambi semengat L. Apin lama udah sida ke besudi, L betemu enggau apai tuai siku ke dikelala iya, apai tuai nya diau enda jauh ari rumah panjai sida. Ku apai tuai nya nganu L, ia nama kebuah nuan ta lari maya aku nganggauka nuan sari nya, aku ba puchuk kayu enda jauh ari nuan ke nginti. Aku nginau babi meda balat amat bekau pelangkan dia ku apai tuai nya. He he baru la L nemu ukai antu ke nganggau ka iya, tang mensia!!! Aku lalu lekik-lekik ketawa... amat pahai kitai enti antu udah nemu nama...

Learning to trust

Mami, please pray for me, I am having a hard time with my revision, so said Igat several weeks ago. Oh, I’ve prayed for you this morning, son, I responded. Mami, please pray for me now Mami, now, Igat entreated. I heard the urgency of his need, so over the phone, I prayed for and with Igat, asking God to give him the wisdom and understanding required to excel in his studies, asking God to take away his anxieties, asking God to give him good health, asking God to cover and protect him against all dangers, trials and temptations.

Feel better now? I asked, and Igat said yes. I told him not to worry, I told him to put his trust in God, because God answers all prayers. I don’t want him sick in the head over his studies, his spiritual and physical wellbeing is more important to me than acing A-levels examinations.

A mother would know the kind of prayer I made – the one that comes deep from the heart, a plea, a cry out to God for peace of a much beloved son. That’s why a mother’s prayer is powerful because it’s from the heart – born out of faith. (James 5:17). Thank you Lord, because almost a month had passed and Igat is doing okay now, a lot of study to do but happy. Just this evening he cheerfully told me he’s fighting to the end. God will see you through son, there’s no doubt about it.

I’ve been reflecting on how I measured in trusting God. I realized that I was a fine one for talking to Igat about trusting God while at times I too am short in that department. There were times when I still worry even after lifting up prayers to the Lord. Last year when Igat was ill during the H1N1 outbreak, I was so worried for him. He was away from home and I was not there to care for him. Yes I prayed, in tears, pleading with God to protect Igat from the dreaded virus, asking God to make him well again. But after the prayers my anxiety remained. Had there been a flight out of Bintulu to Kuala Lumpur that evening I would had gone to see Igat.

It was also with anxiety that I left Jogjakarta in August 2006 after visiting Met. Jogjakarta was still trembling after the devastating earthquake in May of the same year. I worried about her personal safety, my heart ached that she had to live away from the comforts of home. I surrendered her to the Lord, but I still worried. Cried, even.

What did my actions say about trusting God? I failed, miserably. Truly I identify with the lyricist in the hymn “And I Thank You Lord”, the one about not putting our human nature down and let God take control of all we do. Trusting God is to let go of our dependence on our own strength and capabilities and instead rely on His strength. Trusting God is to have peace in our hearts come what may. Trusting God is believing that everything will turn out to be good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Trusting God is to accept in humble obedience His will in our lives.

When I was a young magistrate, a lawyer who’s also a friend popped into my chambers and told me of his flight from Kuching to Bintulu. The plane encountered turbulence and he was scared out of his wits. To his amazement, a priest who was sitting next to him was so calm and relaxed. And he told me “how nice to have that kind of faith”. My friend found the faith – he and his family converted to Christianity, still actively serving the church.. 25 years on and that conversation is still fresh on my mind.

So what do I tell the Lord?

I am sorry Lord for my lack of trust in you. I am learning to trust You fully Lord, so help me. If you would stretch your patience with me, I promise to be a good disciple. Amen.

Lelingut, Lelingai

Lelingut Apai Bakar

Gawai tu kemari kami menyanak bisi ngabang ngagai sida Apai Bakar, ba rumah panjai di ulu Dijih. Iya nya tanah aya apai Maie, lalu bini iya petunggal dua kali dadi. Nya meh tudah indai Bakar enggau menantu iya indai Cassie nyu kisuk ngenah ka kami pemakai. Pia Cassie riak-riak nyabak, enda tan angat lalu takut meda sekeda palan ba bilik dapur enda terang. Momok mami, pia ku Cassie. Kasih sida uchu, teleba diau nyamai di nengeri, enda nakal diau ba rumah panjai laban nadai karan kena masang aircon, injin api muti ulih musinka kipas. Nyu ke penyuah indai Bakar kelut-kelut mantaika pemakai, nya iya lalu nyebut ngagai apai Bakar. Salin lalu sadung ai nya apai Bakar, anang ta bara lelingut dia, pia ku uhang indu. Kami menyanak pin lalu engkikir ketawa ninga indai Bakar ngumbai laki iya lelingut. Tuchum kambin tudah apai Bakar, matak setan lalu nuang ai...

Lelingai Apai Maie

Aku lalu ngingatka apai Maie, lebih kurang baka apai Bakar nya meh maya nerima pengabang. Enti apai Bakar lelingut apai Maie lelingai, bepelawik patung nunga temuai. Puji Tuhan iya mayuh bala anak menyadi enggau menantu, bala menantu mantu aku bebantaika utai, sida ke lelaki nyadung ai enggau utai dempa. Apai Maie kala nusi ka kami menyanak jaku niang apai iya suba, enti ta semua mela, sapa ke makai legi, pia ku niang aki sa Maie. Au, sekira apai Maie nusi jaku apai iya ngambi aku ke enda bebai mela meh nya. Apu, enti aki labang, apai labang, enda alah ga Igat nunda ku aku. Aku lalu nangkap Igat, lalu madahka iya nuan anang bakanya ila Igat, enda tau enda nulung bini nuan, kelebih agi enti seduai sama gawa. Au Mi, ku tudah Igat. Ba aku, pia mega pelaba aku, ba mayuh kitai indu bukai, enda kitai ngiruh laki maya ari biasa, tang enti maya gawai, maya berami, kitai sigi begunaka tulung laki enggau anak. Semua tulang dipeguna magang, husband or not, tuan or not. Kati asai sida neh, enti kitai indu ta rendih-rendih, sebaka enggau sida ke bepelawik patung?

Lelingai di Kuala Lumpur
Tu aku nusi jerita diri empu. Ari lima tu kemari aku bisi ngulu aum di Kuala Lumpur, baru pulai lemai mari. Udah tembu baum, ngalih ari nya aku ngagai Sogo, lama amat udah enda kia, ka meda angka bisi gari ka chun ba mata, kena sembiang. Tudah diri enda tebai ka diri enggau urang bepisin iga ba pekayan, ngipak ka tubuh, ngipak ka umur, ngipak ka gamal ga kitai begari.

Aku ta asai ke bemimpi remban enti meda kitai indu ngena gari bekebelik maya siang ari, tau ke ngena gari ke sendat, nyu ngayanka gumpal isi. Pemadu ia enggai dipeda aku bala indu ke maya kami tu, tauka biak agi, ke ngena tanchut getah ke sendat, apu wai, amat ta pelimping gumpal pah enti kitai gemu. Pia ka nyu ayan sirang tanchut dalam laban tanchut nya ngempit. VPL (visible panty lines) nya a no-no ku urang ke pandai senentang adat basa begari. Ta pejam enchelak, pejam enchelak mata aku ma meda bala wai wai kitai Iban ba sebelah pasar maya ari minggu bepekayan bakanya.

Siti agi legging ke pandak, ba tengan betis aja, lalu kadang-kadang bisi ribin ba tisi. Ku aku bisi bagi urang ke tau ngena legging enggau ke enda. Enti urang tinggi, manah tubuh, ehem, urang ke biak meh, manah ga ngena legging, laban tubuh sida manah, lalu bisi shape datai ke baruh din. Tang enti tua gemu, isi nyu begumpal ba dada enggau punggung, di baruh aja ke mit agi, nyu baka katun spongebob enggau square pants kitai. Tambah ka enti t-shirt tauka baju kitai pandak, alamak, ayan sirang W ba belakang, ayan sirang V ba mua, terumbu ga tinggi, enti tanchut sendat amat nyu W meh ba mua ("camel's hoofs" ku sa Maie & Sudan madahka aku), .......pahai wai kitai nyu nyadi utai kena merindang ati uhang ke meda!!!

Nitihka utai ti dibacha enggau dipeda aku, adat kitai indu begari bakatu: lalai ka utai ti enda manah, kemas ka ba bagi tubuh ke manah. Enti berang kitai besai, anang ngena baju ke enda beberang, enggai ka nyu baka pemalu tawak lengan kitai, chukup enda manah. Pia mega enti kitai gemu, enda semesti iya kitai ngena gari ke balat begimbo, enggai ka ta nadai shape lalu. Umbas ia ga pengelunggar gari, chukup kena ngelalaika spare tyre enggau gumpal isi. Oso, anang ngena baju dalam ke sendat, enggai ke dipeda begumpal isi kitai ari belakang ma baju kitai fit. Gaya kitai begari pin tau ngasuh urang meragamka gaya pikir enggau pendiau kitai. Enti baju seksi, ngayanka sekeda buah labu, urang tau meragamka kitai nya bansa urang indu ke senang di ulih, dikuntik. It's about penampilan ku Melayu, bakani kitai begari, bakanya meh urang masa tauka enda masa kitai. Tambah kitai enda tau enda masa tubuh diri empu. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit ku Bup Kudus (1 Corinthians 6:19).

Au, pulai ngagai aku ke ka Sogo.

Nyadi ba Sogo, sida bisi ngadaka market segments ti bebida. Bisi gari ke manah kualiti sereta ngam ba urang ke ka begaya, tang rega ia mar agi. Pia mega bisi gari ke ngam ba urang ke enda tentu milih pisin, ditipak ka enggau rega ti murah agi, ulih di ibai ka urang mayuh. Nyadi aku tu ari market segment ke tengah-tengah, enggai meli utai mar, tang ka ke utai ti bisi kualiti. Siti pengelebih sida bisi ngadaka pisin ti chun ba aku, kain panjai, blaus pandak belengan panjai tauka tiga suku. Urang ke sama ngiga pisin bakanya sigi bala indu Melayu din, makcik-makcik baka aku....

Aku enda tetemuka utai ti di ke inginka ati, laban bisi pisin ti ngam ba aku tang kelalu balat ukir enggau churak - nyu genarau, betata batu ke seleka dua, pelaba aku laluh pisin Hari Raya. Andal amat aku ke kia, angka ta bulih sepasang dua ke umbas ia, ta lelingai kitai ngena baju baru neh, anang enti chun gamal.

Aku ke nurun ngagai Sogo nepan teksi churak gadung. Ka diambi ka bellboy teksi eksekutif ke biru- sida bellboy bisi diberi driba komisyen enti kitai ngena teksi nya - aku enggai laban mar bayar. Sida nya enda paham-paham ga ku ati aku din, kitai ke diau ba hotel mar bakanya (Grand Millenium) laban dibayar kempeni, ukai bayar diri empu, meda kitai ke diau dia kumbai ta mayuh duit kitai. Tambah mega kapa bangat mayar utai mar enti bisi ke murah. Nya aku minta tan ka sida teksi biasa. Datai teksi gadung aku lalu tama ninga bellboy madahka driba ka nganjung aku ke Sogo. Pakai meter kak, ku iya. Ok ku aku, lalu tama. Datai ba Sogo dipinta driba mayar RM20 lebih, peda aku meter amat nyampau nya. Aih deh deh, laban bara lelingai enda sedar ka diri ngambi teksi ke mar, bansa meter ke belanda...Ku jaku enggai bebayar mar, nyu mar ga bayar. Aku ke pulai muti RM10 lebih bayar aku laban ngena teksi mirah.

Nama kebuah aku tu ta ilap, enda meratika teksi nya tadi ku ati aku din, mutap ka diri empu. Nama kebuah aku ilap, laban bara lelingai, ngenang pemujur aum kami pagi nya, utai ti diperambuka kami udah dibantaika enggau manah ba urang ke ngaga pemutus, lalu udah dikemendarka urang. Nya alai laban aku ke nguluka market research sereta ngaga project proposal ti dibantaika bos besai kami, ta lelingai asai tudah diri...urang nadai pin muji kitai, tang kitai nemu meransang diri empu... enti enda pia enda ransing kitai ngereja pengawa....thank you ku urang, you are welcome ku kitai...lalu lelingut, lelingai kitai...

We try, but its never easy to say goodbye

Dadi, Igat and I saw my 2nd daughter off this evening. She came last Sunday and was supposed to go back tomorrow, unfortunately she had to go earlier as she has to start her rotation at Radiology early Monday morning, 13 Sept. Mami, this is the worse part, leaving home, alone overnight in KL and missing you all, said my daughter. Once I reach Jogja, I will be fine, said Met. It's not easy for me too, honey, never has been and never will be. I became teary eyed going into their rooms, straightening the bedcovers, picking up hair bands and books by the side tables, closing their closets, putting away leftovers - snacks, pastries & roast and soon, my fridge will be half empty once again....Parting is such sweet sorrow. Thank God Igat is still home until next week.

Happy faces, waiting for food to be served at Lutong Cafe.

Daphne has to work for the raya holiday so we went to Miri to visit her. The first night's meal was at Lutong Cafe, they love the deep fried pork legs and fish head curry. Dinner for the 2nd night was at Apollo - for the ikan bakar.

Next day we went to Brunei - Daphne looked so forlorn at being left behind, Mami, she said, although I will be at the hospital today, my heart is with you all, acih ulu. We drove all the way to BSB and had lunch at a Thai restaurant, the Lemon Grass. We love Thai food and the tom yam and spicy fried fish was authentic Thai and delicious. On the return journey we dropped at Supa Save and Met & Igat oohed and aahed over the selection of biscuits and chips. Mami, may we buy more to bring back to college? Yes you may, ku aku. I was happy to be able to get goat's cheese, filo pastry, scones & flapjack mix. Thirty minutes later, dadi was left very much poorer! Datai di Miri kami tiga lalu bebantai, ngeso ka booty ngagai Maie. Udah pulai makai sida menyadi lalu snacking sambil berandau. Nya meh maya ke best, begulai, besulu enggau bala anak.

Lunch at BSB.

On the way home, we stopped at Niah for lunch. And look what I took home with me, a photo of aki Lakam, my maternal grandpa. This photo was taken in the early 60s, said mom. I have many fond memories of my aki Lakam, one day I will write about my times with him, so that my children will know of the great-grandpa they never met.

Stanislaus Belayong ak Ju, my aki Lakam, of Sg Sut, Batang Rajang.